


If I Had Taken Your Hand

by starsouptextbook



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Carnival, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Ferris Wheels, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Sneaking Out, Tokyo Training Camp, a bunch of characters are mentioned, i did the math and i listened to carousels for over 25 hours just for this, i listened to the same song every day on repeat for over a month just to write this goddamn fanfic, inspired by carousels by beirut, my beta reader is the best damn person and deserves the world, volleyball is barely mentioned here i'm sorry, why doesn't beirut have a tag here, yamaguchi makes a couple of innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26168764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsouptextbook/pseuds/starsouptextbook
Summary: ["'This isn’t very ‘team captain’ of you to do, Tadashi,' Tsukishima says for the hundredth time since Yamaguchi proposed the outing. 'Imagine if someone finds out. We’ll both be sent home early, at the least.''Stop grumbling! The coaches are all out drinking, anyway. You won’t have any fun complaining, and I won’t have any fun if you’re a wet blanket.' Yamaguchi grabs Tsukishima’s wrist. 'Do it for me.''Fine, Tsukishima mutters, the lights from the carnival reflecting onto his glasses. 'I’ll do it for you.'"]Tsukishima and Yamaguchi sneak out to a carnival during the Tokyo Training Camp in their third year, causing memories to resurface.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin, Tsukishima Akiteru/Udai Tenma, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 98





	If I Had Taken Your Hand

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was named after and inspired by the song Carousels by Beirut from the album Lon Gisland. While I do love their music, I'm not too sure if I'm going to be able to listen to Carousels without bursting into tears ever again.
> 
> I send my gratitude to the Good Morning Squad, who have listened to me ramble about Yamaguchi way more than what is acceptable, supported me through this fic, and have been great friends. Only half of that gratitude goes to Cello Dork who gave up on Haikyuu 15 episodes in but was still sort of helpful.
> 
> Special thanks to my beta reader, Egg, who has read this fic too many times to count, given me suggestions that helped me write better, begrudgingly listened to Carousels "just to understand the vibe", and allowed me to call them past midnight just to discuss my writing. They were the one who made me watch Haikyuu in the first place (and encouraged me to write this fic), so they should really be getting all the thanks here.

“This isn’t very ‘team captain’ of you to do, Tadashi,” Tsukishima says for the hundredth time since Yamaguchi proposed the outing. “Imagine if someone finds out. We’ll both be sent home early, at the least.”

“Stop grumbling! The coaches are all out drinking, anyway. You won’t have any fun complaining, and I won’t have any fun if you’re a wet blanket.” Yamaguchi grabs Tsukishima’s wrist. “Do it for me.”

“Fine,” Tsukishima mutters, the lights from the carnival reflecting onto his glasses. “I’ll do it for you.”

Yamaguchi points out, “And we haven’t pulled anything the last two years at the summer training camp. We can always use that to our advantage.  _ And  _ we’re just going to a carnival. Not like last year.”

“Oh my God,  _ last year _ .”

“I still haven’t forgiven Noya-san for stepping on me and waking me up,” Yamaguchi says. “When I asked Narita-san about it, he told me it was Ennoshita-san’s idea. Ennoshita? Getting drunk at a gay bar?”

“It was definitely Nishinoya-san’s idea, Ennoshita-san isn’t that crazy.” Tsukishima decides. “So when we get caught and have to tell everyone else, whose idea will this be?”

“Yours.”

“Nobody will believe that.”

“You just gotta give them a wink,” Yamaguchi says, winking at Tsukishima. “See, look. Like this.”

“What are you, a teenage girl?” The two stop walking as Yamaguchi winks at Tsukki repeatedly. 

“No, I’m a teenage  _ boy _ , hanging with my  _ bro _ .”

“We’re not  _ bros _ ,” Tsukishima says, continuing to walk towards the carnival. When he doesn’t hear Yamaguchi apologizing and scampering up to him, he turns around. “Are you coming?” Yamaguchi looks upset, and Tsukishima worries for a moment that he hurt him. Then, Yamaguchi’s face lights up, and almost trips trying to catch up to Tsukishima.

“So, Kei, what ride do you want to go on first?”

“We’re not going on the roller coaster.”  
“Oh, yes we are,” Yamaguchi declares. “This may be the last carnival we go to before we graduate. We are going on at least one roller coaster. Let’s kiss our childhood goodbye in style.”

“You cry on roller coasters.”

“So?” Yamaguchi starts to count on his fingers. “Okay, we’ll definitely do at least one roller coaster, the bumper cars, the funhouse, the highest Ferris wheel, and the carousel.” Looking up at Tsukishima, Yamaguchi smiles. “I’ll hold your hand,” he promises.

“I’m not a little kid anymore,” Tsukishima says as they enter the carnival grounds, leading Yamaguchi towards a tent. The red-and-white striped plastic serves as a roof for the ticket booths. Tsukishima reaches into his pocket to fish out his Yen as they approach the booth.

“No, I’ll pay,” offers Yamaguchi. “After all, this was my idea. You can do something for me later to make up for it.” The worker at the booth, a twenty-something year old woman, points at a sign on the booth. Either 100 Yen per ticket or 1500 Yen for a wristband, which gave unlimited access to the rides. Yamaguchi gives the woman 3000 yen as she slips the two boys hot pink wristbands.

“Do you need help putting yours on?” Tsukishima asks. Yamaguchi giggles and hands over the paper wristband. 

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi says. Tsukishima starts to wrap it around Yamaguchi’s wrist. “Hey, don’t put it on too tight!” By now, both of them are laughing. There’s a youthful energy these strong bracelets hold.

“Hold still!”

“I can’t help it! You’re making me laugh!”  
“You’re holding up the line,” the woman running the ticket booth says. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima pause in their laughter to apologize to the woman and move off to the side. Finally, Tsukishima gets the wristband onto Yamaguchi, and turns to his own wristband.

“Do  _ you  _ need help?” Yamaguchi teases, to which Tsukishima shakes his head. When he puts on his bracelet, it’s a little crooked, which Yamaguchi points out immediately. “I could have prevented that.”

“Shut up, Tadashi.”

“I’m not sorry, Kei.” The two chuckle again.“I swear, you’re a different person around me! You never laugh or talk this much in front of the rest of the team.” This isn’t the first time Yamaguchi has said something like this. He liked to take pride in the fact that while many people admired Tsukishima, Yamaguchi was the one he chose to be around.

“Because you’re my best friend?”

“Because I’m your  _ only _ friend.”

“That’s not true,” Tsukishima objects. “I have Kuroo, and sometimes I talk to Bokuto and Akaashi.”

“Mmkay, well that’s four people, myself included.” Yamaguchi says.

“Didn’t you ever have some counselor or something that told you that having a few close friends is better than having a bunch of acquaintances?”

“Well, yes, but your other friends are old as dirt and don’t go here.”

“I’m not continuing this conversation, Tadashi.” Tsukishima said with a smile. “What would you like to do first?”

“The roller coaster, like what I said before.” Yamaguchi suggests.

“I have tissues for you when we’re done.”

“Kei, maybe  _ you’ll  _ cry this time.” Yamaguchi says. “Or not, since you’re emotionally constipated.”

“Should that offend me?” Yamaguchi doesn’t respond, but instead winks at Tsukishima again. “Tadashi, no more  _ winking _ .”

“Make me.” Another wink.

“I will.”

“That could mean a lot of different things, Kei.”

“I know.”

“This feels like borderline flir-”

“Pick which damn roller coaster you want to go on already.” Tsukishima interjects. Yamaguchi knows there’s a reason why he was cut off, but knows he shouldn’t address it yet.

“How about the Twist?” Yamaguchi suggests. “It looks fun.” He gestures towards a green-and-yellow striped roller coaster with sharp turns and high drops. “ _ And  _ there’s no line.”

“Okay, then let’s do it.” Tsukishima says. “You’re so gonna cry.”  
“Am not!” The boys flash their wristbands at the worker and somehow manage to nab the front seat. It takes a minute or two for the rest of the seats to fill. In the meantime, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima watch the people board. 

“Tadashi, if you get scared, take my hand.”

“I won’t be scared.” Yamaguchi assures. Tsukishima knows Yamaguchi didn’t mean for it to hurt him, but it puts a pang in his heart and he turns forward, ceasing his people watching. Yamaguchi, on the other hand, is too busy watching the worker flip the switches and set the ride into action. 

It doesn’t move that fast at first. Yamaguchi smiles and twists his head around to Tsukishima, who is busy removing his glasses so they don’t fly off. The ride starts to pick up speed, and it turns a sharp right. Yamaguchi squeaks in surprise, and then starts laughing.

“Kei, isn’t this fun?”

“We’ve only been on this ride for thirty seconds.” Tsukishima responds. He’s still facing forwards. The distance is blurry for him, but he can somewhat see that they’re heading towards a steel hill.

_ “Tsukki, I’m sorry about Akiteru.” Yamaguchi says. “It breaks my heart to see you so upset.” He and Tsukishima are walking back from the Karasuno match, where they intended to watch Tsukishima’s older brother play. Instead, to Tsukishima’s horror, Akiteru was a spectator, cheering the team on, rather than on the court. Yamaguchi has been apologizing and offering his sympathy since they left the match. “I really wish it hadn’t been him on the sidelines.” _

_ “Shut up, Yamaguchi. Just drop it,” Tsukishima snaps. He expects Yamaguchi’s regular response of “ _ Sorry, Tsukki! _ ” but he doesn’t say anything. Tsukishima’s head is a whirlwind of anger. He wants to say something,  _ anything _ , to get the other boy to run away. To leave him alone. Maybe forever. And to scare him so he doesn’t go around telling others how much of a loser Akiteru is. _

_ “Tsukki, do you want to come over for dinner tonight? My house is close...it will give you some time to cool off.” _

_ Tsukishima clenches his fists and squeezes his eyes shut and stops walking. He’s fuming with frustration. He’s starting to get irritated with Yamaguchi, but can’t find it in him to push him away. _

_ “You need to come home with me,” Yamaguchi says, reaching for Tsukishima’s wrist. “You’re my best friend and I know exactly what you need: Some time away from Akiteru and some of my mother’s cooking.” _

_ “I don’t need anything or anyone.” Tsukishima’s eyes are still closed, but he doesn’t try to shake off Yamaguchi’s hand. _

_ “I beg to differ.” Yamaguchi gently pulls Tsukishima closer to him. Using the hand that was on his wrist, he opens Tsukishima’s fist and curls around the hand. “Let’s go.” And the two begin walking again. _

The car reaches the top of the hill. It hesitates for a moment, and Tsukishima looks at Yamaguchi. To his surprise, he isn’t panicking. Yamaguchi turns to Tsukishima.

“Kei, I’m fine, please don’t wo-” The car drops, and Yamaguchi screams. Tsukishima can’t help but laugh. When the car makes another sharp turn, Yamaguchi screams again.

“Scared?”

“Nope!”

_ “Mom! Tsukki’s here!” Yamaguchi calls out to the kitchen as he and Tsukishima take off their shoes. _

_ “Hello, Kei-kun!” His mother calls back. _

_ “Is it okay if he stays for dinner?” Yamaguchi asks as the boys shuffle into the kitchen. _

_ “Of course! You are always welcome, Kei. I’m afraid it will take a little longer, though. Is that okay?” In response, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi nod their heads.  _

_ “Come on, Tsukki. Let’s go to my room.” Yamaguchi says, leading him away from the kitchen. Once Yamaguchi closes the door, he turns to Tsukishima, who is sitting on the bed. “Do you want me to give you some time alone?” Tsukishima shrugs. _

_ “Tsukki…” Yamaguchi sits down next to Tsukishima. _

_ “I never want to see his face again.” Tsukishima hisses. _

_“He’s your brother.”_ _  
_ _“So? He lied to me.” Tsukishima’s eyes narrow. “A liar is no brother of mine.”_

_ “You don’t mean that. Everybody makes mistakes. I don’t think he was trying to hurt you. I think he was trying to impress you, to make you think that he’s a cool older brother.” Yamaguchi suggests. Tsukishima doesn’t respond, but Yamaguchi can see his jaw tighten. “Tsukki...it’s going to be okay.” _

_ “Shut up! Just shut up!” Yamaguchi flinches a bit. He knows Tsukishima is mad and that he doesn’t mean to take it out on Yamaguchi, but he can be scary when he yells. “Every day for three years, Akiteru lied to me. He told me that he was the ace, the star of the show, when in reality, he didn’t even make it as a regular! He’s so  _ pathetic _.” _

“Kei! This is incredible! See, look! I’m not crying!”

“I know. You’re doing better than I thought you would be.” Tsukishima responds. They’re starting to climb the tallest hill. This will be a fast fall.

“Only if I were as brave as I am now. Then I would have done more stuff like this when I was younger. I wanna go back now to thirteen-year-old Tadashi and tell him something like, ‘Hey Tadashi, be brave and go on a cool roller coaster with Kei.’ But he’d totally ignore me.”

“ _ Twelve _ -year-old Kei did go on a roller coaster with you,” Tsukishima says. “You cried so I didn’t go on again with you for like a year.”

“Why? You didn’t want to be seen with a crybaby?” Yamaguchi teases.

_ Tsukishima then crumples in on himself, crying hard. He’s so tired, and all he wants to do is forget Akiteru’s lies. Yamaguchi doesn’t hesitate to comfort him. He puts an arm around Tsukishima, who leans into his shoulder. “Kei, Kei, Kei…” Yamaguchi doesn’t know if Tsukishima would appreciate him using his first name, and if he does care, he’s too busy crying. Yamaguchi carefully removes Tsukishima’s glasses and puts them on the nightstand beside the bed. He softly pushes the taller boy down onto the bed, lying beside him and wrapping Tsukishima in his arms. They stay like that for a while, even after Tsukishima stops crying. And for that snippet of time, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima both felt like nobody else existed except for them.  _

“No, that isn’t why. It’s because I hated seeing you cry in public. It always tugged at my heartstrings, like the first time we met.” Tsukishima reveals.

“Ah, okay.”

“I’m not lying.”

“I didn’t say you were.” The car has reached the top of the hill. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima smile at each other.

_ When Yamaguchi’s mother finally calls for them, a reminder that there was a world outside Yamaguchi’s bedroom, they untangle themselves and stare at the ceiling. _

_ “Thank you, Tadashi,” Tsukishima says. Yamaguchi looks at him in surprise. “What? I thought you would be okay with it because you called me Kei.” _

_ “No, it’s not a problem. I’m surprised you’re okay with it.” Yamaguchi responds. _

_ “Use it in private.” Tsukishima orders. However, he’s using every last bit of his energy to hold back from telling Yamaguchi to always use it, regardless of where they were. _

_ “Okay, Kei.” Yamaguchi says with a smile, sitting up. “Dinner is ready.” _

And then they’re falling. They’re falling so fast and this time, Tsukishima screams too. Adrenaline pumps through his veins. He wants to reach out and grab Yamaguchi’s hand so badly. He’s not scared, he just wants to hold his hand. Yet, he refrains from doing so. He’s too scared to see how Yamaguchi will react.

_ “You seem to have cooled off a lot.” Yamaguchi says.  _

_ “Thanks,” Tsukishima replies with a polite smile, and Yamaguchi furrows his brows in concern. The two are heading back to Yamaguchi’s room. Tsukishima was calm at the dinner, and spoke nothing of the game. “Tadashi?” _

_ “Hmm?” Tsukishima notices how cute Yamaguchi is right in that moment. His face relaxes, and his eyes are soft. His hair is a little tousled from before, and Tsukishima almost can't enunciate what he needs to say. _

_ “Can I stay the night?” _

_ Yamaguchi’s face turns more serious. “Of course, but why?” _

_ Tsukishima hesitates before saying anything and puts his hands behind his back so Yamaguchi can't see him twisting his fingers. “It’s that...I don’t think I can go back home tonight. I think I’ll blow up at Akiteru all over again.” _

_ “I completely understand.” Tsukishima shifts his gaze away from Yamaguchi. “You left some clothes and a toothbrush here a while back, remember? In case we ever have a last-minute sleepover. Use them. It's okay. Stay the night.” Yamaguchi offers. “You can call your mother. I’m pretty sure she’ll allow it.” _

_ “I don’t want to overstay my welcome.” _

_ “You won’t. You heard my mother. ‘You’re always welcome, Kei!’” Yamaguchi smiles. “She loves you to death.” _

Tsukishima has a headache. Maybe it’s motion sickness, maybe it’s the fear rising in his gut, the panic of becoming estranged from Yamaguchi. They’ll be off to university next year. Maybe Yamaguchi hates him. Tsukishima doesn’t want to drown in these worries. He puts his head in his hands, hoping Yamaguchi doesn’t realize he’s holding back tears.

_ Tsukishima is ready for bed. He’s wearing a t-shirt from a planetarium he and Yamaguchi visited two years ago and a pair of shorts. He sits on the end of Yamaguchi’s bed, waiting for him to come back from the bathroom.  _

_ It wasn’t the first time the two would share a bed. When they were younger, Yamaguchi used to be scared of the dark. Until he and Tsukishima finally put glow-in-the-dark stars onto the ceiling, he would always beg Tsukishima to sleep next to him. However, after the stars went up, all parties agreed that it was more convenient for them to share a bed. Yamaguchi always liked the nights that Tsukishima would stay over because of this, but he never told anyone.  _

The ride is almost over. Tsukishima realizes he had zoned out for most of it. He wants to enjoy the rest of the ride, but he’s about to cry so he can’t risk taking his face out of his hands and having Yamaguchi see his trembling chin, his watery eyes. 

_ When Yamaguchi comes back, he notices something is wrong. “Kei, are you alright?” _

_ “No. I’m still angry at Akiteru. I can’t seem to move on. Volleyball seems to be an uphill battle. Akiteru was so good when I last saw him. And then he suddenly...he wasn’t.” Tsukishima rubs his temples. _

_ “You know, Kei, I don’t think you were really all that mad at Akiteru, even right after the game. I think seeing Akiteru in the stands got you worried about how well you would do in high school volleyball.” Yamaguchi says. Tsukishima just continues to rub his temples. Yamaguchi knows he won’t get a proper response out of Tsukishima right now. He’s overwhelmed and worried. He’s had a long day. Yamaguchi puts an arm around Tsukishima and waits until he speaks. _

_ “I’m tired, Tadashi.” _

_ “I know.” _

_ “I never want to leave you, Tadashi. Stay with me.” _

_ Yamaguchi pauses before responding. “I will, Kei. I will. Forever.” _

And then the ride comes to a stop. Tsukishima still has his head in his hands as Yamaguchi unbuckles himself.

“Kei? You alright there?”

“Yeah,” Tsukishima says. “I’m good.” And then starts crying.

“Oh my God,  _ you  _ cried on the roller coaster. Not me!”

“Yes, very funny, Tadashi.” Tsukishima says between tiny sobs.

Yamaguchi doesn’t continue to tease Tsukishima, who pretends that something got caught in his eye as they walk away from the ride. “Where to next?” Yamaguchi asks.

“The bumper cars.”

“Okay.” Yamaguchi tries to give Tsukishima some space from whatever happened on the roller coaster. He doesn’t want to corner him into answering weird questions. When Yamaguchi finally spots the line for the cars, he taps Tsukishima on the shoulder. “We’re here.” The blond is done crying, but Yamaguchi isn’t sure if he’s back on Earth yet.

“The cars can fit two people, but we can also go separate…” Tsukishima trails off.

“Unless you want to get elbowed in the face and fight me for the wheel, I advise you to take a separate car.”

“Ah, okay,” Tsukishima says with a smile. “I’m going to absolutely obliterate you, Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

“Bring it on, Tsukishima Kei.”

When the people waiting on line are invited in to choose their vehicles, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima make faces at each other from across the floor. Yamaguchi chooses a yellow car while Tsukishima chooses a light pink one. Yamaguchi folds himself inside the car and wonders how Tsukishima manages to do it, all six feet of him and then some. When the bumper cars are given the go to start moving, Yamaguchi steps on the pedal.

_ “Kei! What high schools are you thinking of applying to?” Yamaguchi asks, plopping himself on the side of Tsukishima’s bed, where the taller boy is laying on his stomach. The two of them will be moving up to high school next year. The thought of it is so daunting, yet exciting. Finally, they will be able to move their lives along and get to the parts where they can actually do things. _

_ “Karasuno, like Akiteru.” _

_ “I figured. Any others?” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Wow, you must think you’re really lucky!” _

_ “Akiteru went, there’s a pretty good chance I’ll get in too. Don’t fret over me. How about you?” _

_ Yamaguchi claps his hands together and starts to fidget with them. “You see...I really want to apply to the same high schools as you. So we don’t have to separate.” He gives Tsukishima a smile. “So now I know! I’ll apply to Karasuno. You should apply to Johzenji as well, like what I’m going to do, just in case. You don’t want to be without a high sch-” _

Yamaguchi tries to get over to Tsukishima, but others keep crashing into him. He’s giggling, watching others foil his plan. Tsukishima doesn’t seem to be doing too well either, as he’s been backed into a corner. Yamaguchi continues to try to reach Tsukishima, bumping into five other cars by the time he reaches the center. By now, Tsukishima is only a few feet away from where he was before, still trying to fight his way out of the corner. 

_ “So you’re trying to follow me?” Tsukishima asks. _

_ “Yeah, of course. And isn’t that incredible coach coming back? I think his name was Ukai…” _

_ “And you want me to apply to Johzenji with you.” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “It’s a good school. It’s a terrible idea to only focus on one school, then if you don’t get in you’ll be super disappointed. Or if, you know, no pressure of course, I don’t get into Karasuno, you could come to Johzenji with me.” _

_ “You want me to go to Johzenji if you don’t get into Karasuno?” _

_ “I’m not forcing you to, but think about it,” Yamaguchi says. “I would do the same for you.” _

_ “Tadashi, do you ever think that maybe I  _ don’t  _ want a shadow all the time? You follow me around like a lost puppy. Do you even have any other friends?” _

_ Yamaguchi is taken aback. “Kei, are you okay?” He doesn’t want to fight with Tsukishima. They’ve never really had any big fights before. Of course, small issues popped up here and there, but it never escalated so quickly, nor did Tsukishima say such hurtful things. _

_ “Apply to wherever you want,” Tsukishima huffs. He gets up from his stomach, and Yamaguchi moves over, giving Tsukishima some space. “Maybe along with your studying, you should work on your social life and brush up on your social skills.” Tsukishima gets up and walks over to the door. He doesn’t turn around. “It’s best you learn how to make friends. Because there’s no way I would turn down Karasuno for you.” _

Finally, Yamaguchi escapes all the other cars and heads straight into Tsukishima, knocking him back into the corner.

“Miss me?” Yamaguchi teases.

“Never in a million years.” Tsukishima says with a smirk. Yamaguchi crashes into Tsukishima again. And again. And again. “Hey, give me a break!”

“Nope.”

“Come on, let’s make a truce.” In lieu of a response, Yamaguchi sticks out his tongue. “I would do the same for you!” As soon as those words leave Tsukishima’s mouth, he regrets it. Yamaguchi looks a little hurt as he drives away, leaving Tsukishima in the corner.

_ Yamaguchi flinches as Tsukishima slams the door. He can hear the other boy stomping away. Yamaguchi stares at the floor for a while. He didn’t think Tsukishima would be so upset over Yamaguchi wanting to go to the same school as him. He thought Tsukishima wanted and liked to be with him. Yamaguchi lays back on the bed, his feet still on the bedroom floor. It stretches his hips, and he focuses on that rather than how much his heart hurts. A few minutes later, when there’s a knock on the bedroom door, Yamaguchi doesn’t say anything. He’s too busy trying not to cry. _

_ “Tadashi-kun.” It’s Akiteru, peering through a small crack he made in the door. “Tadashi, are you okay? What happened? May I come in?” _

_ “I’m fine, Akiteru-san.” Yamaguchi says. Akiteru comes in and closes the door behind him as Yamaguchi sits up. _

_ “Did something happen with you guys? Kei stormed out of here. I heard him stomping from the kitchen. ” He bends down in front of Yamaguchi and puts a hand on his shoulder. Yamaguchi’s face crumples up and tears start to pour out of his eyes. “Oh, Tadashi-kun.” Akiteru collects him into a hug. “Tell me what’s wrong.” _

_ “We were discussing what high schools we wanted to go to,” Yamaguchi starts. He’s still crying, gasping for air every chance he gets. “I really want to be able to go to high school with him because he’s my best friend. And when I suggested to him that we should apply to the same high schools, he got really angry. He said that he didn’t want me to shadow him all the time, and before he left he said that I should learn to make friends.  _

_ “And you know, I would absolutely turn down Karasuno if he didn’t get in, but he said that he wouldn’t do it for me. Then again, who am I kidding? Karasuno is his dream school, of course he wouldn’t turn it down for me. You know, Akiteru, he wanted to be just like you. That’s why he’s applying for Karasuno only.” Akiteru notices that Yamaguchi is refraining from saying his brother’s name. He wants to say something. He wants to give Yamaguchi a reason to stay. _

_ “Kei is a little shit, I’m sorry. I wonder what got into him. He’s usually not that much of an ass to you?” Akiteru asks. “Apply to Karasuno, Tadashi. Kei can’t—and shouldn’t—try to stop you. I think I need to talk to him. I’m so sorry, Tadashi.” Akiteru hugs Yamaguchi, and this time, the younger boy hugs back, pausing his tears. Akiteru then leaves the room, leaving Yamaguchi alone again. Yamaguchi listens for his footsteps so he can continue crying, but he doesn’t hear any. Suddenly, Akiteru comes back in, startling Yamaguchi. _

Yamaguchi is on the opposite end of the floor from where Tsukishima is. Looking at the clock, he notices he only has eighteen seconds left before the ride is over. He knocks a blue car into the wall.

_ “Akiteru?” _

_ “Tadashi. Don’t be upset over this for too long. Kei loves you. He really does. I don’t know what happened today, but he loves you. He’ll apologize soon, I promise.” _

_ “Huh?” This startles and confuses Yamaguchi even more. “Akiteru-san, what are you talking about?” _

_ “Kei loves you, Yamaguchi Tadashi. He would never let you go.” And with that, Akiteru slams the door and Yamaguchi can hear him running down the hallway. He can even hear the front door slam, the vibrations shaking the house. Yamaguchi lets out the breath he’s been holding since Akiteru burst in. He gets off Tsukishima’s bed and lies on the floor. His head is pounding. He doesn’t want to cry anymore. _

_ “Tadashi.” _

_ “This is the third time, Aki...” _

_ “I’m sorry.” It’s not Akiteru. It’s Tsukishima. It takes a while for Yamaguchi to respond, but when he does, his words come out strong. _

_ “You really hurt me, Tsukishima.” Yamaguchi sits up tall and looks Tsukishima in the eyes. “I want to forgive you, and I will,” Yamaguchi says, and Tsukishima tries to smile. “Eventually.” Tsukishima goes back to his remorseful expression once more. “Not right now. I think we need some time apart.” _

_ Tsukishima explains, “I’m sorry, Tadashi. For saying those things. I want you to have other friends, to branch out. I don’t want you to be known as the kid who follows me around all the time. I want you to be your own person.” _

_ “I need to call my mother.” _

_ “Okay.” _

_ “I’m going to go now, Tsukishima.” _

Tsukishima sees that there’s only 10 seconds left before the ride ends. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to try to chase after Yamaguchi again, but he doesn’t want to try to knock into anybody else. He plans on spending the last ten seconds evading everyone else but Yamaguchi. If he wants to come to him, then he will let it happen. And if he doesn’t, that’s okay too.

_ “Okay.” Tsukishima wants to sob. Yamaguchi never calls him Tsukishima, he’s only called him Tsukki or Kei. He bites his tongue, concentrating on the iron-like taste in his mouth. _

_ “Goodbye, Tsukishima.” _

_ “Goodnight, Tadashi.” Tsukishima moves so Yamaguchi can get out of his room. Tsukishima counts his steps.  _ One, two, three, four, five,  _ “By the way, Tadashi, I heard what Akiteru said. I don’t deny it.” Tsukishima says with his back to Yamaguchi. He can hear a small  _ oh  _ from Yamaguchi, and even without looking, can see his lips curving into that round shape. Tsukishima enters his room and closes the door. He watches Yamaguchi climb into his mother’s car from the window. Then, he’s shaking. Akiteru comes back into the room, not bothering to knock. He doesn’t care that Tsukishima still resents him. He closes the door and lowers his voice. _

_ “You were horrible to him.” Akiteru says. _

_ “I know. I’m sorry.” _

_ “You told him that he doesn’t have any friends as if he’s not the only person you talk to.” Akiteru stands beside Tsukishima, who is still at the window with tears in his eyes, staring out into the shadow-laden street. Akiteru knows it’s wrong of him to exploit his brother’s sadness just to have a conversation with him. _

_ “I apologized. I’m upset about it.”  _

_ “We still need to discuss it.” _

_ “I know. Can that wait until tomorrow?” Tsukishima suggests. _

_ “Okay. Tomorrow.” _

_ There’s a couple moments of silence before anyone speaks. “I heard what you said.” Tsukishima murmurs. _

_ “Hm?” _

_ “I don’t deny it.” _

_ “Kei…” Akiteru puts an arm around his brother, knowing that he won’t shrug him off now. “Give him space for a bit. Please don’t let this be the end.” _

_ “Akiteru, I love Tadashi.” _

_ “I know.” Akiteru says. _

_ “Please don’t tell Mom.” _

_ “She won’t mind.” _

_ “Aren’t you mad at me?” Tsukishima whispers. _

_ “No, Kei,” Akiteru responds. “Not for that. Never for that. I  _ am  _ mad at you for breaking Tadashi’s heart, though. There was pure sadness in that kid’s eyes, you really hurt him.” _

_ “I’m sorry.” _

_ “I know.” Akiteru releases Tsukishima from the hug. “Get some rest, Kei. You seem tired. And you’ll need it.” _

_ Tsukishima gives a short laugh and wipes his eyes. “You make it sound like a threat.”  _

_ “Goodnight, Kei.” Akiteru says. He then leaves Tsukishima alone with the dark sky, brilliant crescent moon, and the thousands of stars freckling the night. _

There’s five seconds left. Yamaguchi spots Tsukishima driving away from a red car. Yamaguchi narrows his eyes and drives directly towards Tsukishima. The ride ends a moment before the two can collide. Now, they’re both smiling at each other.

“Hey stranger.” Yamaguchi says to Tsukishima as they step out of their cars.

“I missed you.”

“When did you get so sappy?” They step off the ride’s floor, plunking onto concrete. “Where to next?” Yamaguchi asks.

“You can choose.” Tsukishima offers.

“Hmmm...how about the funhouse?”

“The one place that gives me the creeps? Okay, sure.”

The funhouse is a silver building that’s across from the bumper cars. The staircase is swaying from side-to-side. “Ready?” Asks Yamaguchi. 

“Sure.”

“You know, I think it would be really cool if you took off your glasses and went into the funhouse like that.”

“Tadashi, I hate saying no to you, but I’ve got to say it here. I am not dying on this thing.”

They step into the funhouse. The first room is a maze of clear plexiglass, which Tsukishima instantly slams into. Yamaguchi laughs at him, and Tsukishima laughs too. Once they finally get through, Yamaguchi leading Tsukishima, they run into a second room. This one is a maze of mirrors. 

“Are you ready?” Yamaguchi asks.

“Yes.”

_ Tsukishima knows it’s stalker-like of him to do this, but he has always been curious about what happens at Yamaguchi’s training sessions with Shimada-san. He’s been spending most evenings with his mentor for almost a year now. Tsukishima has asked to watch one one evening, to see how Yamaguchi is improving. Yamaguchi refused, however, claiming that it would make him too anxious. Tonight, though, Tsukishima has followed Yamaguchi to Shimada Mart. _

_ Yamaguchi and Shimada exchange greetings and ask about each other’s days. Yamaguchi seems like his normal self, practicing arm and shoulder stretches and chattering on about school and after-school volleyball practice. _

_ Tsukishima watches Yamaguchi work on his serve, with Shimada pointing things out and explaining how to better the serve. Tsukishima almost wants to cheer when Yamaguchi does a serve that makes Shimada applaud. They take a water break, and Tsukishima checks his watch, realizing how late it is. _

_ “Shimada-san? May I ask you a question?” _

_ “Of course, Tadashi,” Shimada says. “Sit down. I think we may be done for today. I’m exhausted.” _

_ “Oh, I mean, I don’t know, if you’re tired I don’t want to keep you out…” _

_ “I’m physically tired. It’s okay, ask away.” _

“Kei, don’t run into your reflection!” Yamaguchi calls out to behind him.

“I know, I know,” Tsukishima says. “It’s hard. I can’t seem to find a break in these mirrors. I’m not happy about you abandoning me.”

“I’m not abandoning you. I’m letting you learn how to do things yourself.” He wants to continue his lecture about how Tsukishima needs to learn how to manage himself in a maze of mirrors, but he then hears a loud crash.

“Get over here!” Yamaguchi stifles a giggle as Tsukishima continues to bump into the mirrors. “If you don’t help me I will die here.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll be there in a minute.”

_ “How can I tell if I’m in love?” Yamaguchi asks, his voice quieter than before. This question takes Tsukishima by surprise, and Shimada too, apparently, the dark-haired man raising his eyebrows. _

_ “Well, Tadashi, that’s definitely a sensitive subject. There’s many ways to know that you’re in love. Some say you can tell when you get a funny, but good, feeling in your stomach whenever you’re with or thinking about this person, you’re in love. Or when you can’t stop thinking about them. Or when you always want to be with them, when you can picture a future with them. Then again, these can all be signs of a crush.” _

_ “Have you ever been in love?” _

_ “Yeah. But I’m no expert on it, so don’t think I know all the answers.” Shimada says. “Do you want to tell me what you feel when you’re with this person?” _

_ “Sure. Well, I don’t know, I…” Yamaguchi tugs at the hem of his t-shirt.  _

_ “Hey, it’s okay, Tadashi. You don’t have to tell me.” Shimada reassures. Tsukishima starts to get ready to leave, until Yamaguchi’s voice pierces the air. _

_ “Why am I never the one getting stronger?” Both Shimada and Tsukishima flinch. Yamaguchi sounds so angry. Tsukishima is sure he’s never seen Yamaguchi snap like this. “Sure, I’m Karasuno’s spear. I have a nice serve. Oikawa had a nice serve, too. And he was a starting player, and actually got time on the court. He was a setter, too. But I’m not a setter. I’m just a pinch server. I want to be more than the one with a good serve.” _

_ “Tadashi-” _

_ “Why can’t I get any muscle? Hinata is gaining muscle, Kei is gaining muscle, they’re all gaining muscle and I still look like a twig. Girls come to me, begging to ask about Tsukishima. They think he’s so dreamy and strong and handsome. It’s annoying. I want to be handsome like Tsukishima.” Yamaguchi says, cutting off Shimada.  _ He calls me Kei in front of Shimada _ , Tsukishima realizes, that thought occupying him until it hits him that Yamaguchi finds him handsome. _

Yamaguchi is now  _ dragging _ Tsukishima by the arm through the maze. “I know your vision is bad without your glasses, but it’s still shitty now.” He says. “Maybe you need a stronger prescription.”

“Shut up, Tadashi.”

“How about you get a fake pair of glasses for me so we can match?” Yamaguchi suggests as they finally exit the mirror maze room. “And a blond wig and really tall shoes or something so I can maybe just  _ be  _ you. Maybe I’ll have to stuff my shirt to match your muscles.” He lets go of Tsukishima and runs over to the wall of mirrors that distort your body’s shape. He flexes his arm. “Kei, look! It makes me look like I have muscles here.” He runs to a different one and stretches his arms above his head. “And I look like a noodle here!” 

Tsukishima is still standing in the entrance to the hall of mirrors. He decides that he has had enough with seeing his reflection, so instead, he watches Yamaguchi peer at the distortions.

_ “Tadashi, some people find it harder to gain muscle. It’s natural. I didn’t gain much muscle when I was playing volleyball, and I still play volleyball today. You also aren’t working on many muscle-developing skills. It could be either one of those things, Yamaguchi. And they don’t come naturally. Usually you have to focus on muscle-building.” Shimada explains. “And your attractiveness does not define you as a person, but you are a very handsome young man, Tadashi. Maybe these girls have a thing for blonds. Maybe try to initiate more conversations?” _

_ “Forget it. I don’t care. You know what? I’m never getting stronger, I’m never getting better. Ever since the match with Shiratorizawa, I felt like I’ve just plateaued. I feel like I can’t get any better, only worse.” Yamaguchi’s nails are digging into his thighs. _

_ “Don’t do that, don’t do that,” Shimada says, guiding Yamaguchi’s hands away from his thighs. Tsukishima flinches. He knows how sharp Yamaguchi likes to keep his nails. “Tadashi, you’re doing great. You’re a strong server, and if you want to work more on actual gameplay technique, I guess I could ask Takinoue to help train you.” _

_ “I still won’t be as good as the other middle blockers. They all have a year under their belts and I won’t.” Yamaguchi sounds so angry, every word is coming out as a growl. Tsukishima wants to reveal himself so he can go and comfort Yamaguchi, but Shimada beats him to it, wrapping an arm around the younger boy. _

_ “I’ll help you. Takinoue can help you. We’re here for you, Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei are here for you, that Tsukishima Kei is here for you, and the rest of the team as well. Even your already-graduated upperclassmen. We’re all here for you.” _

_ “But for how long?” _

_ “As long as you need us to be. And even after, we’ll still cheer you on.” _

_ There’s silence for a while. Tsukishima listens to Yamaguchi’s breathing even out and watches Shimada rub his back in calming circles. He’s jealous. He wants to be the one to comfort Yamaguchi. Tsukishima thinks the storm has passed. Maybe he’ll come out, pretending to be on an average walk, and ask Yamaguchi if he wants him to walk him home. Maybe Tsukishima will ask Yamaguchi to stay over for the night, rather than go home, so Tsukishima can pepper him with compliments for hours. As soon as Tsukishima takes a step away from his hiding place, Yamaguchi opens his mouth. _

“Come on, Tadashi. Let’s go. Funhouses give me the creeps. We still have another floor,” reminds Tsukishima.

“Aw, okay,” Yamaguchi says and follows Tsukishima up the swirling staircase. “I think I’m dizzy just from that!” 

“You better not be because we’re going to race across the room.” Tsukishima points at the floor, which is sliding in different directions.

“And if we trip and fall and get hurt, how are we going to explain our injury to Takeda-sensei and Ukai?”

“We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it,” Tsukishima decides. “Ready? One, two-”

And then Yamaguchi is  _ sprinting _ , and Tsukishima is stuck to the floor, mouth hung open out of shock and horror. Yamaguchi was worried about this no less than fifteen seconds ago, and now he’s booking it across the room. “Not fair, Tadashi! I didn’t even get to three! Come back!” Tsukishima shouts. 

Yamaguchi responds just as he lands on the still platform on the other side of the room. “Please respect my leap of faith, Tsukishima Kei!”

_ “Shimada-san, I think I’m gay.” He says with his face turned towards the ground. Tsukishima scrambles back.  _ Holy fucking shit _ , he thinks to himself.  _ I need to hear this. __

_ “Oh.” Shimada stops his arm out of surprise, his eyes widening. Yamaguchi takes this wrong and gets up, panicked. _

_ “Is that not okay with you?” _

_ “No, no, it’s fine, it’s fine...sit down, Tadashi. Sit down. You’re fine, it’s fine. I’m just shocked, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were going to tell me right now.” _

_ “ _ Right now _? What do you mean by that?” Yamaguchi asks. _

_“That Tsukishima Kei. You talk about him like you like him. I’ve been suspecting it for a while, but I don’t think you would have felt comfortable if I asked you.”_ _  
_ _“Please lower your voice, Shimada-san. He likes to take walks at night and I’m sure he passes by Shimada Mart.” Yamaguchi requests, and Shimada nods. “And...I don’t want to confirm or deny anything. I don’t know why.”_

_ “That’s okay. But when you talk about him, you sound like how I did in high school talking about Ukai.” Shimada says. Tsukishima is, at the least, floored, and not about how Shimada just mentioned how he used to have a crush on Ukai. Okay, sure, Yamaguchi calls him Kei in front of Shimada, that’s kind of a big deal. However, for Shimada to say that whenever Yamaguchi talks about him, it makes him wonder whether there’s a crush,  _ that  _ almost makes him start crying tears of joy on the spot. _

“That was not a leap of faith, Tadashi. That was you _cheating_.”

“Do you really want me to come back that much?”

“Yes, if it means you’ll actually race me.” Tsukishima says as Yamaguchi starts hopping back towards him.

“I think there’s a rule against going backwards...”

When Yamaguchi does finally reach Tsukishima, the blond boy has a smirk on his face. “I get a five second head start because you cheated.”

“That’s not fair, either,” Yamaguchi protests.

“Okay, here I go.” Tsukishima is counting to five in his head as he tries to land on the right floorboard. When he gets to three, he hears Yamaguchi start. He doesn’t bother trying to remind him that he needs to wait another two seconds. He feels like he’s seven again, being chased by Yamaguchi and Akiteru after stealing the ball while playing a game of keep-away. He misses those times.

_ “Huh? Ukai?” _

_ “Yeah. Ukai.” Shimada chuckles. “Five damn years with that guy. It was a high school thing that took time for me to get over. In my own mind I decided that it would be better if we were just friends when I was twenty-two. I talked about it with Takinoue a lot our first year, before I liked him, and then at some point he said something like ‘Holy crap, Shimada! You like the guy!’ and then I came to my senses and figured he was probably right. So I flirted with Ukai for five years. And since he’s dense, he thought I was being a bro when I slapped his ass. Like, no, I’m being gay.” Yamaguchi laughs a bit, and it relieves Tsukishima. He’s probably in better spirits now, and just needed to vent. _

_ “Maybe you need an arranged marriage,” Yamaguchi jokes. _

_ “That may be a good idea, especially after you hear about Takinoue.” _

_ “Takinoue-san too?” Yamaguchi asks. Tsukishima is sure that Shimada is trying to distract Yamaguchi from all the high emotions of before. _

_ “Mhm. So I told you about how Takinoue helped me with Ukai, and then after I was done with him, I realized that hey, I really like Takinoue. So for four years now, it’s been him.” _

_ “You’re a mess!” Yamaguchi exclaims. _

_ “I sure am,” Shimada says. “But we need to go back to what you said earlier. About you being gay. While I have no problem with it, others may. Do you know where your mother stands on this sort of issue?” _

_ “I think she’s okay with it. We’ve never had a discussion about it, but once some person came around and knocked on our door, and asked my mother if she would support same-sex marriage here. I heard her say yes.” _

_ “That’s good. Anyone else close to you?” _

_ “Well, there’s Kei. I don’t know what he would think of it. And whatever he thinks is probably what his mother and Akiteru think, and they’re really close to me. And I’m not planning on telling other school friends. You know how kids teased me all the time before. I’m not going to let that happen to myself again.”  _

Tsukishima gets to the other side first and wins, cueing complaints from Yamaguchi. “Kei, you went first! You had a five second head start, so of course you won!”

“Oh, hush. Let me bask in my glory,” Tsukishima says. 

_ Tsukishima once more has to resist the urge to come out and tell Yamaguchi that Tsukishima’s mother is okay with it. That Akiteru is definitely okay with it, as he brings Udai Tenma over for dinner sometimes. And there’s no heterosexual explaination for being told in secret to not enter your brother’s room when he has his “friend” over, even after knocking. Or when Tsukishima saw them kissing in the kitchen the morning after Udai stayed over. Akiteru had Udai pushed up against a counter while kissing him softly, and Tsukishima thought about how much he wanted to do that to Yamaguchi. _

_ Oh, yeah. And Tsukishima is absolutely okay with Yamaguchi being gay. He’s been hoping for it, actually. These past ten minutes have been a combination between a sigh of relief and heart-pounding excitement. And with Shimada suspecting that Yamaguchi thinks of Tsukishima as something more than a friend, he’s about to explode.  _

_ “You don’t have to tell anyone else just yet, and that’s okay. Take your time, you’re only 16,” Shimada advises. “But if you do decide to tell the team, let me tell you now, they’re all doing unforgivable things in the supply closets and locker rooms after-hours together.” _

_ “Huh?” _

_ “Every month or so, Ukai or Takeda tell me about how they find a couple doing whatever in some nook or cranny in that gym. Sometimes they’re not even from Karasuno Volleyball Club. Whenever other teams visit, they take an extra twenty minutes before locking up to clear them out. Must be all the hormones.” Shimada explains. _

_ “I want to go back to five minutes ago when I did not know that information.” Yamaguchi says. The two burst into laughter.  _

_ “I think it’s time for you to go home, Tadashi. You’ve had a long day.” Shimada ruffles Yamaguchi’s hair. “And if you ever need me, do not be afraid to come to the store or to give me a call.” _

_ “Okay, Shimada-san. See you Monday.” Yamaguchi stands up and starts to walk away, heading towards where Tsukishima is hiding. _

_ “Do you need a ride? It’s getting dark.” _

_ “I think I’m fine, but thank you.” Yamaguchi says. “I’m a second year. The dark doesn’t scare me!” Tsukishima panics for a moment. He doesn’t want Yamaguchi to see him. However, he passes right by him. Once Tsukishima is sure that Yamaguchi is gone, he slumps to the ground. _

_ The conversation Tsukishima just eavesdropped threw so much new information at him. Yamaguchi’s low self-esteem wasn’t something Tsukishima was surprised at, as he had confided in him about his insecurities before. Tsukishima also wasn’t too surprised at Yamaguchi’s low body confidence, either. It must be hard being the only second year who isn’t getting that much stronger. Yamaguchi being gay, though, made Tsukishima’s head spin. For some reason, he never expected him to be gay. And then there was the fact that Yamaguchi seemed to talk about Tsukishima a lot, enough for Shimada to speculate that there was a crush. That was the thought that seemed to stick in Tsukishima’s mind. He mulled over it so much that he didn’t notice the footsteps growing louder behind him. _

_ “I saw you, Tsukishima Kei. Come out from wherever you’re hiding.” Shimada’s voice echoed in the mid-spring air. Fear seized Tsukishima’s heart. Shimada was going to kill him. “Come on, now. We just need to have a chat.” _

_ Reluctantly, Tsukishima stood up and walked into the space where Yamaguchi and Shimada were practicing before. Even though his face seemed blank, a million thoughts and emotions were running through his head. “Shimada-san?” _

_ “Hello, Tsukishima-san. I noticed you were listening to the conversation I had with Tadashi.” Shimada usually isn’t cold like this. Tsukishima figures that because all the times he had seen him, he was being a kind mentor towards the Karasuno Volleyball Club. Not scolding a member of the club for eavesdropping on a personal conversation. _

_ “I’m sorry, Shimada-san. I didn’t know it was going to turn into that. I just wanted to watch him practice.” _

_ “And why didn’t you leave?” _

_ “Because I was worried you would notice me and call me out. You or him. And he seemed he had a lot he needed to get off his chest, and I felt like if he saw me it would ruin the moment and then he would still have it all bottled up.” Tsukishima explains. _

_ “He’s never discussed this with you?” _

_ “No.” _

_ Shimada lets out a sigh before narrowing his eyes. “I can’t do anything about you listening in on what we said. I can’t go back in time. But I can tell you this: None of what was said here should be repeated to anybody else. Or mentioned to Tadashi. Some of the things said here could get him or myself into trouble. And if you try to bring something up to him, he might think that I told you. If I find out that you have told anybody anything, I will have Ukai suspend you from the team. I can’t have you ruin Tadashi’s life.” _

_ Tsukishima takes a step back. He’s sure his eyes have never been wider, that he’s never wanted to run away more than right now. “I’m sorry, Shimada-san.” _

_ “Good. You should be. Now go home,” Shimada spit. And like a dog with its tail between its legs, Tsukishima scurries away from Shimada Mart. _

“So, that’s it for the funhouse, I guess,” Yamaguchi says, looking back at the sliding floor behind them.

“Yeah. Wasn’t all that thrilling, huh?” Tsukishima mutters, to which Yamaguchi gave a hum in response.

“We still have the slide!”

“What are you, six?” Tsukishima teases.

“It’s a swirly slide,” Yamaguchi offers.

“Fair point. You can go first.”

Yamaguchi sits at the top of the slide. “Maybe you should count down for me,” he suggests.

“Nah.” Before Yamaguchi can ask Tsukishima what that means, he’s pushed down the slide. He yelps out of shock, and he can hear Tsukishima snickering from above. Once Yamaguchi reaches the bottom of the slide, he turns around.

“Not funny, K- _ oof _ !” Yamaguchi is cut off by Tsukishima crashing into him, knocking Yamaguchi to the ground.

Tsukishima has a shit-eating grin on his face. “Sorry,” he says as he stands up. He holds out a hand for Yamaguchi to grab on to. “Even though I have absolutely no remorse and I find what I did very funny, I still want to help you up.” Yamaguchi smirks and grabs Tsukishima’s arm.

“You got me this time,” he agrees as Tsukishima awkwardly hoists him up. “But next time, you’re in for a treat.”

“Is it a kiss?” Tsukishima asks, immediately regretting it. Yamaguchi doesn’t respond, but instead starts to walk away from the funhouse. “You know, you were supposed to take my hand. Not grab my arm.”

“Let’s go to the Ferris wheel, Kei.” Yamaguchi says, changing the subject.

“Okay, Tadashi,” Tsukishima walks faster so he can catch up to his friend. “Let’s go to the Ferris wheel.”

Neither Tsukishima nor Yamaguchi figured to try to memorize the layout of the carnival when they entered, but luckily could find the Ferris wheel just by looking up. It rose high above the other rides, its gondolas illuminated by pale yellow lights. The gondolas were a one-way facing seat that allowed your legs to dangle off, Tsukishima notices as they approach the line for the Ferris wheel, which only has one other person on it. “We’re getting lucky tonight,” Yamaguchi says, nudging Tsukishima. “Aren’t we, Kei?”

_ “So, Kei, you’re gonna be a third year soon. And a year and a half from now, you’ll be in university! Isn’t that so cool?” Akiteru is, at the least, absolutely psyched. Udai Tenma is coming over to welcome the New Year later tonight, and Akiteru has been talking about how excited he is to finally kiss him as the clock turns to midnight. He didn’t know yet that Tsukishima was thinking about making a similar move—sort of. _

_ “Sure,” Tsukishima says, plunking down two cups of tea on the kitchen table. _

_ “You seem like you have something on your mind.” _

_ “That’s because I do.” _

_ “What is it?” Akiteru asks, a hint of mischief in his eyes. He is ever thankful for that day last year, when Tsukishima had finally let him back into his life completely. Otherwise, he wouldn’t dare talk about something like this with him. Akiteru takes a sip of his tea. “It’s New Year’s Eve, Kei. Are you going to do something romantic to that special somebody?” _

_ “What makes you think I have a ‘special somebody’?” _

_ “Because of how you look at Tadashi. Do you still like him?” _

_ Tsukishima looks away, slightly embarrassed, and wraps his hands around his cup. “That is none of your concern.” _

_ “Of course it’s my concern! I’m your big brother,” Akiteru says. “I’m more experienced in love than you are, anyway.” _

_ “Yes, because screwing Udai Tenma when you think I’m not home is a very experienced thing to do.” _

_ Akiteru’s eyes go wide as he almost chokes on tea. “You weren’t at Tadashi’s?” _

_ “Nope.” _

_ “Oh, okay. Can you pretend that never happened?” _

_ “Trust me. I want to forget it just as much as you want me to.” _

_ Akiteru clears his throat and continues to drink his tea. Desperate for any way to take their minds off of the fact that Tsukishima does in fact know that Akiteru is a pillow princess, he gives in. “Hey, Akiteru. I was actually wondering if you could give me some advice. It’s about Tadashi.” Tsukishima says, starting to fidget with his fingers. Akiteru’s shoulders relax and he smiles into his teacup. “I think I want to confess to him today.” _

Tsukishima’s eyes widened.  _ Getting lucky?  _ Tsukishima thinks to himself, panicking.  _ Tadashi has given me no hints leading up to right now, I’m sure. I didn’t even know he wanted that from me, or that he was into me. Am I just as dense as Coach Ukai? Will I be a fling, since he was opposed to something real before? Am I even ready?  _ “Hey, Tadashi, I don’t know if we should, at least  _ yet _ . I think we need to discuss this beforehand, and not while waiting to be placed onto a Ferris wheel…”

_ “Finally! I was waiting for you to do that.” Akiteru cheers. “I think it’s a great idea. And honestly? I’ve seen how Tadashi acts around you. I think he’s very much into you.” _

_ “But how do you...do it?” _

_ “You don’t need to buy him flowers or chocolates or anything. I would say to buy him French fries but I guess that’s kinda weird. I think your best bet is to just approach him, plain and simple. Ask him to meet you somewhere and just go for it. The worst he can say is no, and I heavily doubt he would.” _

_ “Thank you, Akiteru.” Tsukishima puts his cup in the sink and starts to head off to his room. “I’m going to text him now.” _

_ “Good luck, Kei!” Akiteru shouts. “You won’t need it!” _

Yamaguchi spins around to face Tsukishima, a look of confusion on his face. Tsukishima instantly feels embarrassed. “Huh? What are you talking about?”  _ Oh shit _ .  _ What did he mean _ ,  _ then _ ? “I said that we’re getting lucky tonight because we haven’t really had long waits on any lines so far. What did you think I meant?” Yamaguchi clarifies, raising his eyebrows.

_ I can’t just tell him that I thought we were going to fuck or something _ ,  _ that’s weird and it’s going to make everything really uncomfortable.  _ Tsukishima is bright red, ashamed of his thoughts.  _ Would it also be weird if I said that I wouldn’t mind getting lucky with him _ ? 

The attendant for the Ferris wheel beckons for Tsukishima and Yamaguchi to board. “Tadashi, the phrase ‘getting lucky’ usually refers to sex,” Tsukishima explains in a hushed voice as they step up onto the platform and sit down. 

“Oh. I...didn’t mean that.”

“Yeah…” Tsukishima almost misses Yamaguchi’s subtle wink, purposely done right as the blond looks down and buckles himself in. As to not explode into a fiery ball of questions and teenage hormones, Tsukishima restarts the conversation just as the ride starts to carry them up. “So...this is our last year in high school.”

_ Tsukishima texts Yamaguchi and tells him to meet him at the place near Shimada Mart where he usually practices his jump float serves at six in the evening. Yamaguchi agrees but says that he can’t stay long, as his mother wants him to be home for New Years, but happily invites Tsukishima to spend the night. Tsukishima rejects the offer for now, but mentions that he’ll think about it. Twenty minutes before six, just as Tsukishima was checking himself in the mirror, Akiteru came into the room.  _

_ “Mom wants me to go to Sakanoshita Store to pick up some snacks last minute. I’ll walk with you until there, then you’re free to go wherever. But after you’re done come back to the store unless you go home with him. You got that?” _

_ The two brothers don’t talk on the way there. Tsukishima was trying to calm himself down and Akiteru was too busy thinking about Udai. Once they reach the store, Tsukishima waves a silent goodbye at Akiteru and starts to walk towards where Yamaguchi is likely waiting already. It’s only a three minute walk at a normal walking pace, but Tsukishima feels exhausted. He sees Yamaguchi tracing the cracks in a wall and calls out to him. “Tadashi! I’m sorry for asking you to meet me this late.” _

_ “No, it’s fine! I was getting bored staying at home anyway.” Yamaguchi says with a smile. Tsukishima stops walking once Yamaguchi is leaning on the wall. “So, what did you want to do?” _

_ “I...I actually wanted to tell you something.” Tsukishima tries to resist the urge to fiddle with his fingers. He can’t show that he’s nervous. _

_ “Of course! What is it?” Yamaguchi chirps, a small smile forming on his face. Tsukishima then feels relieved. He knows Yamaguchi loves him. _

“I can’t believe it’s all almost over,” Yamaguchi says. “The years passed by slow until recently. I wonder how everyone before us dealt with it. I mean, I didn’t see anyone worrying, other than Asahi.”

“Suga was a hashiriya, Shimizu-san did stick-and-poke tattoos for others after-hours in the club room, Tanaka-san and Kinoshita got high at least once, and Nishinoya-san was up to his usual antics. That’s how they coped, by causing a little bit of trouble. I guess they wanted to make the most of it,” Tsukishima explained.

“I’m scared I haven’t made the most out of high school,” Yamaguchi confesses. His forehead crinkles as he starts to fidget with his hands. “I haven’t attended a party, I’ve never played a kissing game, no big-scale friend group trips. This is the first time I’ve snuck away ever, I’m sure.” The ride stops so that someone else can get onto the ride.

_ “Tadashi, we’ve been friends for what seems like forever. You’ve been with me every step of the way. I wouldn’t know what to do without you.” _

_ Yamaguchi blushes a little. “Thank you, Kei.” _

_ “I enjoy every moment I spend with you, and I would never wish to be separate from you. You are my most favorite person.” Tsukishima doesn’t know if he’s as pale as a ghost or as red as a tomato now, but he sees that Yamaguchi is definitely red. Tsukishima thinks to himself that maybe Yamaguchi does know what he’s about to say. “Tadashi, I like you.” _

“High school isn’t always how it is in the media. You were on the volleyball team, you made friends who I’m sure will stick with you for life, and you got good grades. In the media, it's all one big soap opera. I think your experience was better.” Tsukishima says. “And you could have played a kissing game in your first year at the Tokyo training camp, but you were passed out.”

“Huh? What kissing game?  _ You  _ participated in a kissing game?”

“Sadly.”

Yamaguchi’s face twists into confusion and amusement. “Who? Who did you kiss?”

“Kuroo and Komi Haruki, Fukurodani’s libero. Kuroo was absolutely thrilled, so much so that he asked to make out with me after the game ended.”

“And did you?”

“Nope. Even when he clarified that it would be no-strings-attached. I didn’t like him like that and I didn’t want our friendship to be weird.”  _ And if I did it, it would feel like I would be betraying you _ , Tsukishima says silently.

_ “Oh,” Yamaguchi murmurs. His expression is full of shock and maybe horror. He takes a step backwards, shaking his head. “Kei, I-” _

_ Tsukishima tries to ignore Yamaguchi’s apparent disgust and holds out his hand. “Tadashi, please. Take my hand.” _

_ “I’m sorry, I can’t,  _ Kei _ …” Yamaguchi is muttering these words, seemingly on the verge of bolting away. Tsukishima notices that he’s on the verge of tears, and he wants to reach out and comfort him, just how he did every time before, but he holds himself back. He’s frozen to the spot, his arm outstretched, waiting for Yamaguchi to never take hold. The second Yamaguchi breaks into tears, he turns around and sprints away, sobbing. Tsukishima still doesn’t move. _

_ He feels every bone in his body creak as he starts to walk towards Sakanoshita Store. It doesn't hit him until he’s a couple hundred feet away from the store. When it does, he also realizes there are tear tracks on his cheeks. He starts to pick up speed, more and more until he’s practically running. He pushes past whoever is standing by the door and enters the store. _

_ Tsukishima stops just past the desk where Ukai usually sits when he isn’t at Karasuno. He rubs his eyes and scans the store in search of Akiteru. _

_ “Keishin, stop! There’s someone here!” Someone says, and Tsukishima notices that the voice sounds familiar. He looks straight in front of him, and there is Takeda Ittetsu, the teacher advisor for the volleyball club, with Ukai Keishin, the coach, practically on top of him, pinning him to a shelf.  _ Why is everyone I know gay _? Tsukishima thinks to himself. _

_ “Tsukishima? Is that you? Are you crying?” Ukai asks, peeling himself away from Takeda. The two of them look incredibly embarrassed. That’s going to be an interesting conversation. _

_ “Kei?” Akiteru says from behind Tsukishima. “Was that you who just pushed past me?” _

_ In response to both of them, Tsukishima cries harder. Akiteru places a hand on his shoulder and leads him to a table. Takeda is giving Ukai that face he makes when he’s concerned about something, trying to coax him into helping. Tsukishima is sure he hears Takeda telling Ukai something along the lines of “ _ He’s your student, too _.” The two of them sit in the other two seats at the table, but not before Ukai grabs a box of tissues and hands it to Tsukishima. _

_ “Okay. Talk,” Ukai says. Tsukishima tries to collect himself. He takes a tissue and dabs at his eyes with it. Then he takes a deep breath. _

“Ah, okay.” Yamaguchi murmurs. Tsukishima wants to say that he sees a look of relief on Yamaguchi’s face, but he doesn’t want to lie to himself and think that Yamaguchi would actually care. Then, Yamaguchi goes bright red. “Kei, I haven’t participated in a kissing game, but I made out with Akaashi last year.” The ride is now starting to move, slowly carrying Tsukishima and Yamaguchi higher, letting them catch the view of nearby buildings.

“Huh?”

“He offered to give me ‘advice for the future’ and instead we made out. He’s a really good kisser. I’m pretty sure I was just his rebound, though.”

“I haven’t heard from him or Bokuto recently. I wonder how they’re doing.”

“I’m hoping that they got back together but...” Yamaguchi trails off and looks to Tsukishima.

“I doubt it. Bokuto and Akaashi both did equally huge amounts of damage to the relationship. I told you what happened: They tried to end it amicably and instead it got really bad, Akaashi almost had to retire early from the team and Bokuto fell off the face of the planet.”

_ “I got rejected,” Tsukishima states. He looks to Akiteru and waits for his reaction. It takes a moment, but then Akiteru’s eyes fill with pity, his mouth hung open in surprise.  _

_ “Never a fun day when that happens,” Ukai shrugs. “Want to tell us the details?” _

_ “You don’t have to if you’re too embarrassed, or if it’s too personal,” offers Takeda. _

_ “No, it’s fine. I’ll tell you. Uhm...well…” Tsukishima continues to stammer as he starts to pull at his fingers awkwardly, dragging a finger over his nails as he does so.  _

_ “Kei, if you’re going to keep stalling and not say anything, then let’s go. It’s New Year’s Eve, I’m sure Takeda-sensei and Ukai-san both have places to be.” _

_ “Not really. I have to be here for another two hours, and I won’t appreciate if Specs over here tries to get a head start on any festivities without me.” Ukai says, raising his eyebrows at Takeda. _

_ “Tsukishima, we won’t judge. I’ve had students come to me for almost any problem a teenager can encounter.” Takeda assures. _

_ “Students came to you even though your glasses were ‘totally uncool’?” Ukai mocks jokingly. _

_ “Yes, even though my glasses are ‘totally uncool’.” _

_ Ukai chuckles, but then his face grows serious once more. “Tsukishima, we’ll respect it if you don’t feel comfortable to tell us. It’s okay if you don’t want to.” _

_ “It’s here or with Mom,” Akiteru threatens. _

_ Takeda shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “My apologies if this comes off as rude, Tsukishima-san, but you shouldn’t threaten Tsukishima right now. This seems to be a sensitive subject to him, and it would be wrong for you to force him to share this information.” _

_ Akiteru pauses for a moment. He doesn’t seem offended. “I’m sorry, Takeda-sensei. I just really want to know what’s on Kei’s mind so I can help him.” _

_ “Tread lightly,” says Takeda. _

_ “Uhm, no, it’s fine, I’ll tell you now,” Tsukishima offers, trying to remember the advice teachers gave for public speaking. “You know Yamaguchi, of course. I’ve known him for forever and at some point I just started to really like him.” Tsukishima notices that Takeda and Ukai give each other a look when he mentions Yamaguchi, but continues on with his monologue, careful not to mention how long he has liked Yamaguchi for.  _

_ “I mean, how could I not? He’s always been there for me and has helped me through things like my parents’ divorce and cutting off my dirtbag of a father.” Tsukishima looks at Akiteru for a moment. They both know that those weren’t the only two things Yamaguchi helped him through. Tsukishima hesitates before continuing. He’s sure that he’s oversharing at this point, and he’s aware that he’s talking with his teachers, not a therapist or even a friend, but fuck it. _

_ “Anyway, I got the idea a couple of days ago to confess to him today. I discussed it with Akiteru this morning, and he told me to go for it. He said that he could tell that, uhm, Yamaguchi liked me, and that I had nothing to lose. So I told him to meet me where he usually practices with Shimada-san. So just about fifteen minutes ago I just...straight up told him. Just a plain “I like you”, and instead of saying that he liked me back, which is what I expected, he ran away.” _

Yamaguchi sighs. “Their friendship was so strong, only to get crushed by the romantic aspect of their relationship. I don’t think I would know what to do if I went through something like that. You know what they say, that it’s best to marry your best friend. But I would be so scared to do that and then have the relationship end. You know what? I think having someone die is easier than having someone leave you. When someone leaves you, they’re out there and you know it, but you can’t get to them. At least with death, they’re dead and there’s nothing you can do, and you don’t have to think about how they just walked out of your life, and how you  _ can  _ risk it and chase after them. I’m scared about that.” By the end of his speech, Yamaguchi is breathless.

_ “Oh God, Kei. I’m sorry,” Akiteru says, putting his face in his hands. “I genuinely believed there was no way he could’ve rejected you. I’m so sorry.” _

_ Ukai inhales sharply. He’s not too sure what to say. He’s never been rejected before, but that’s probably because he had never asked anyone out. And hopefully, he’ll never have to ask anyone out. He’s very happy with Takeda, thank you very much. Then again, Ukai had been there when Takinoue was rejected by the girl he was infatuated with in their second year, or when Naoi’s part-time lover thought they’d be better off as just study buddies. However, they only needed pep talks; Tsukishima here needs comforting. _

_ “Tsukishima, I know this is an uncomfortable time. I want you to know that both Takeda and I are here for you. And your brother too, of course. If you ever want to talk, we’re all willing to listen. Not just for this, you can come to us anytime but-” Takeda kicks Ukai under the table, cutting him off.  _ I love you, but you can’t seem to get to the point _ , the teacher thinks, hopefully loud enough for Ukai to hear. _

_ “What is upsetting you specifically?” Asks Takeda. “About the rejection itself? Fear that he won’t see you the same way again? Fear of being shunned? Upset that you outed yourself only for him to react negatively? I could go on.” _

_ Tsukishima knows he’s absolutely fucked at this point. Now his volleyball coach and a modern Japanese literature teacher know a basic overview of his love life. “Pretty much all of that and then some. I feel kind of disgusted with myself, thinking he actually liked me back. I mean, sure, it’s a teenage crush. Where could we really go, even if he said yes. And I miss him already. Whenever I would have to reject girls, I’d always tell Yamaguchi. We’d have a sleepover and I would tell him everything. I wonder who he’s telling now. We used to laugh at these girls. Is he now laughing at me?” _

_ “I doubt that he’s laughing at you right now, Kei,” Akiteru assures. “Remember, it was usually you dragging him into being a jerk. I don’t believe Tadashi would purposely try to hurt you.” _

_ “Neither do I,” Takeda and Ukai say at the same time. Akiteru raises his eyebrows at them, saying  _ Is that really helpful right now _? _

_ Ukai then looks at Tsukishima, willing to say anything to make Akiteru stop giving him that look of homosexual disappointment. “Hey, look. It’s clear to all of us that Yamaguchi is a decent person. He seems to care for you a lot, even though he may not like you that way. I don’t think he’s going to be weird about it, at least after a while.” _

_ “But I outed myself. Maybe he’s homophobic...?” _

_ “You say that as if you didn’t eavesdrop on Shimada and Yamaguchi,” Ukai retorts. _

_ Tsukishima looks surprised. “Shimada-san told you?” _

_ “Yeah. He told Takeda too. But he didn’t tell Yamaguchi, if that’s what you’re wondering about. Unless that kid noticed you himself, he has no clue.” _

_ Akiteru now raises his eyebrows at his brother. “Really, Kei?” _

_ “That’s not important right now,” Takeda says. “Right now, we need to focus on trying to help Tsukishima feel better.” _

_ “I don’t know how much more you can do,” Tsukishima shrugs. “I’ve already spilled my guts to you. I regret it. This day is weird. I’m going home.” He gets up, but Akiteru grabs the hem of his shirt. _

Tsukishima kicks his feet as Yamaguchi tries to calm his breathing. Then, he snaps his head up. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Yamaguchi’s voice is tiny and soft, and Tsukishima thinks that he must be growing tired.

“For loving you.”

“Oh,”

“I didn’t know that you were uncomfortable with the idea of being with me because we’re best friends. I mean, I’m assuming that’s the reason why you rejected me New Year’s Eve,” Tsukishima says.

“Oh God no…”

“And I’m sorry for even bringing it up now. I’m sorry, I’ve just been thinking about it for months now and it’s been driving me wild.”

_ “Nope. Sit back down.” _

_ “What makes you think any of us want to be here, half past six on New Year’s Eve?” Ukai says. “We’re going to talk this through.” _

_ “What else can you even say?” Tsukishima snaps. _

_ “There we go. Back to normal,” Akiteru smirks. _

_ “So can I go?” _

_ “Your version of ‘normal’ seems to be ‘emotionally constipated’, you know.” Akiteru points out. “Hard no from me.” _

_ Takeda bites his lip in thought for a moment. “Actually, I think we should let Tsukishima go home and cool down. He’s clearly not himself right now. I think it’s better to wait a while so he doesn’t say anything that would embarrass him later.” _

_ Akiteru clears his throat and then nods. “If that's what you think, sensei.” He stands up and pushes in his chair. “Well, happy New Year.” _

_ “Goodbye! Happy New Year! We’ll see you at practice!” Takeda says. Ukai throws in his own blessings for the New Year before Akiteru and Tsukishima leave the store, out of earshot. _

_ Once he’s sure they can’t hear him and aren’t coming back, Ukai goes to one of the fridges and gets a bottle of beer for him and Takeda. “Wow, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, huh? I thought Yamaguchi liked him.” _

_ “Apparently not, at least like that,” responds Takeda, taking a sip of beer. “But I could see why you would say that. They’re always together, Tsukishima seems to be a factor in Yamaguchi’s confidence, and Yamaguchi’s little stolen glances say a lot. I’m very surprised that he rejected him, or at least reacted that way. Do you think it will impact their playing in some way?” _

_ “I doubt it, but I hope not. Tsukishima seems to try his best to keep emotions off the court, but we don’t know what’s going on in Yamaguchi’s head. Even though we’re just starting to put him on the court more, if his playing is dampened by this, we may have to take him off again. Same goes for Tsukishima.” _

_ “Is that really the best thing to do? Bench them?” _

_ Ukai shakes his head. “I like both Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. However, I’m not going to let Karasuno lose because of two moody teenagers.” _

_ Takeda takes a glance at the clock. “How much longer must we stay? I have enough alcohol for an army at home.” _

_ “Oh really?” Ukai asks with a smirk. “I guess I could close up shop early just this once for you, Ittetsu.” _

“No, that’s not the reason why, Kei,” Yamaguchi shakes his head.

“Then what is it?”

“I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to say. I was halfway between excited and nervous and I guess in the end I was nervous. And I was just super stressed out and kind of not ready for a real relationship, especially with my best friend. I wanted to really think about it and I didn’t want to just say yes or no so I just ran away.”

“That’s why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know, Kei. It’s in the past, and I just remember being very stressed out then.” Yamaguchi shrugs. “And I’m sorry about being weird with you before and changing the subject a ton. I feel really embarrassed about what I did before.” There’s a pause between the two of them. They’ve gone through three whole turns of the ferris wheel already, and Tsukishima is sure the attendant mentioned that there were five total. He clears his head, and then opens his mouth

_ “Kei. Let’s do something. I want you to take your mind off of Tadashi.” For the past three hours, Tsukishima has been buried under blankets and pillows and has refused to look anyone in the eye. _

_ “No. Leave me alone.” _

_ “Mom is worried about you. Tenma wants to hang out with you. Please join us for a while.” _

_ “You’ve never been rejected,” Tsukishima hisses. _

_ “Yes I have. I asked out Tanaka Saeko in my second year when we were cheering on Karasuno and she rejected me on the spot. She also laughed at me. And even better, her little brother was with her. And he laughed too.” Akiteru reveals. _

_ “So? She wasn’t your best and most trusted friend.” _

_ “She wasn’t, and I understand that Tadashi is a very important person to you. You two will be back to normal soon enough. Don’t mope about it too much. It won’t help anybody.” _

_ “Akiteru, please leave me alone. I’m begging you.” _

_ “I don’t care. I’m your brother. I’m offering you distractions which I think will do you good. You can talk about volleyball with Tenma.” Akiteru sighs and uses his last resort. “Mom made strawberry shortcake.” _

_ “Really?” _

_ “Yeah, with extra strawberries.” _

_ Tsukishima seems to think about this offer. Finally, he makes up his mind. “You won’t bring over a piece for me, right?” _

_ Akiteru gives a small laugh. “That defeats the whole purpose of me bringing up the cake, you know.” _

_ “I don’t think I feel well enough to eat, anyway.” _

_ “Kei…” Akiteru’s forehead creases with concern. _

_ “I’ll be down fifteen minutes before midnight. I promise. I just need some time alone. I’m sorry.” _

_ “Do you still want your lights off?” Akiteru asks, not trying to hide his disappointment. He knows he can’t threaten that he’s going to be leaving after the holidays are over. Tsukishima is too deep in his sorrows. _

_ “Yes, please.” _

_ “I’ll come get you in a couple of hours, okay?” _

_ “Okay,” mumbles Tsukishima, and Akiteru closes the door, leaving him in suffocating gloom. _

“Tadashi, what if I asked you the same question I did then, now?” Yamaguchi doesn’t say anything, instead, gives Tsukishima a look that could only be compared to a deer caught in headlights. “What would you say, Tadashi?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” Yamaguchi finally responds. “But I would want to say yes.” Tsukishima lets out his breath. He’s sure his entire face is red now, and lets his eyes dart over to Yamaguchi, who also has a blush forming. “Kei, face me. You don’t need to sneak glances at me anymore.” Tsukishima leans his head back for a moment, then turns to Yamaguchi.

“Remember when we were kids and whenever we went on the Ferris wheel, we thought we were going to be carried away to space?” Tsukishima asks.

“You said you would be carried to the moon and that I would be carried to Sirius. Why Sirius?”

“Because it’s the brightest star in our sky, second only to the Sun,” Tsukishima says. The rest of the world below them seems to fade as they reach the top. When they were younger, this is where Tsukishima and Yamaguchi would point out the dozens and dozens of stars and constellations they could identify. This time, Tsukishima is too focused on the constellations he could lightly trace on Yamaguchi’s cheeks and the light in his eyes, bright enough to rival anything in the sky.

“Kei,” Yamaguchi’s breath is on Tsukishima’s neck. “Am I the brightest star in your sky?”

And then Tsukishima presses his lips against Yamaguchi’s, the best answer he could come up with. He’s sure he’s living a cliche now and that people may be watching, but that doesn’t stop him. Tsukishima cups Yamaguchi’s face in one hand and rests the other on his waist, and Yamaguchi loops his arms around his neck, pulling him closer. _I’m kissing Yamaguchi Tadashi at the top of a Ferris wheel_ _and he’s kissing back_! Eventually, they pull away until only their foreheads are touching. Nothing exists past the gondola, except for the moon and the stars.

They spend the last rotation in content silence. Yamaguchi has his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder, a small smile on both of their faces. “I never want tonight to end,” Yamaguchi sighs.

Tsukishima chuckles softly and extends an arm around Yamaguchi. “Trust me, if it were up to me, I would keep living in  _ this _ moment forever.” Yamaguchi cuddles closer, and Tsukishima presses a kiss on the top of his head.

“How do you think the team will react?”

“You want to tell the team?”

“Yeah...would that bother you?” Yamaguchi asks, noticing that their turn to get off is soon.

“I do not mind at all,” Tsukishima decides. “Honestly, I think they believe that we’ve been dating since before we even came to Karasuno.” Yamaguchi chuckles in amusement.

“I’ve liked you since you defended me from those bullies,” Yamaguchi confesses.

“My confession? Me too.”

The Ferris wheel comes to a stop once the gondola carrying Tsukishima and Yamaguchi reaches the spot closest to the platform. They unbuckle themselves and hop off. The worker directs them to the exit as a pair of girls board the gondola. “Kei, I think I’m starting to get tired.”

“I know. Should we head back now or-”

“The carousel!” Yamaguchi interjects. “I refuse to leave this carnival without going on the carousel. It may be the last time we do so before we head off to university.”

“I’m a little afraid of what’s going to happen with university,” Tsukishima admits as they start heading towards the ride.

“Well, let me tell you now, I’m not leaving Miyagi prefecture.”

“And neither am I. But let’s discuss this another time,” says Tsukishima. “This night has been perfect. Don’t overthink anything and just enjoy the ride, okay?”

When they arrive at the carousel, a sense of sentimental calm washes over the both of them, but neither can explain from what. After everyone previously on the ride floods through the exit gate, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, along with a bunch of young teenagers, are let onto the ride.

“What horse are you thinking of riding tonight?” Yamaguchi asks with a wink.

“Are you implying something?”

“If you want me to.”

Tsukishima flushes bright red and clears his throat. “Well, for the carousel, I was thinking of riding this horse,” he says, tapping the back of a horse the same color as the full moon. “And I’d like it if you could sit across the aisle from me.”

“Like how we did when we were kids? Sure, you sap.” Yamaguchi then jumps onto the horse next to Tsukishima’s. This horse was an elm color, but both horses had flower accents in their manes. “Look how pretty mine is, Kei!”

“I see.” Tsukishima jumps onto his horse, expecting the ride to start soon. However, the worker running the carousel seems to want to have more people on before the ride starts. Tsukishima swivels his head around, observing the rest of the ride. He sees two little boys, sitting a couple of horses in front of him and Yamaguchi. One seems to be nervous while the other is proudly displaying his balancing skills. “That looks like us when we were little, huh?”

“I know...you used to be so scared,” Yamaguchi chuckles. “I feel like I’m on the brink of crying. When did I become such a sentimental old man?”

“I don’t know, but please don’t grow old without me,” Tsukishima whispers, barely loud enough for Yamaguchi to hear.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Kei.”

_ “Are you really scared of the carousel? Why? Is it because of the horses?” Yamaguchi asks. Tsukishima had shyly admitted how he didn’t want to go on because it was scary, and Yamaguchi wanted to poke fun at him. _

_ “No! Of course not! I’m eight and eight year olds aren’t afraid of horses. I’m scared of falling off and getting hurt,” Tsukishima refutes. “But whenever Akiteru forces me to go on I just close my eyes and hold on super tight.” _

_ “Well, Tsukki, I know a special trick to not fall off!”  _

_ “What is it?” Tsukishima’s eyes go wide. _

_ “You have to hold my hand. I have very good balance and I never get scared.” Yamaguchi knows that he’s feeding Tsukishima bullshit, but he wants to hold his hand. And if this is what’s going to make it happen, then so be it. _

_ “Oh, okay. Then let’s go!” _

_ The two boys make their way over to the carousel and get onto the first pair of horses they see. _

_ “Mine has little flowers all over it. Yours does too!” Yamaguchi is giddy with excitement. _

_ “I know that, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima says. _

_ “Give me your hand! The ride is about to start!” Tsukishima reaches out from across the aisle, meeting Yamaguchi’s hand in the middle. “Make sure to still hold tight with your other hand, Tsukki, or it may not work.” _

_ When the ride starts to move, Tsukishima isn’t afraid. He grips onto Yamaguchi’s hand tighter and smiles at him. “Yamaguchi, you’re my best friend.” He doesn’t need Yamaguchi to say anything for him to know he feels the same. _

“Kei,” Yamaguchi says, refocusing Tsukishima’s attention. “Where would we be now if I had taken your hand?”

“I don’t know, Tadashi,” Tsukishima responds after taking a moment to think, then extends his hand to Yamaguchi. “But it wouldn’t hurt to take it now.” The freckled boy’s face melts into a smile and takes the hand just as the ride begins, the nostalgic music flowing through the air. Tsukishima squeezes Yamaguchi’s hand, hoping that he knows he is loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. This was a month-and-a-half-long project I put my blood, sweat, and tears into, and I hope it really paid off and became a piece of writing you (hopefully) enjoyed.
> 
> Once again, thank you to those who supported me and the awesome, fantastic, kick-ass Egg. All of them deserve the world.


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